Domestic Goddess

I have recently moved into my boyfriend’s house. It has been stressful moving and unpacking and organizing; on the plus side, it is exciting being in a new relationship with someone who is supportive, appreciative, loving, and creative. We are an  perfect team, and I’m having so much fun in life. I’m not currently working; well, actually, to be specific, not earning money.

I have become a Domestic Goddess. I am struggling with this idea on several different levels. Having done both my B.S. in cell biology and my M.A. in counseling, I have quite an array of educational experience, as well as professional experience under my belt. I feel as though I “ought” to be doing something with that education and experience, afterall, I am still paying off my student loans. There is something in my mind that tells me I must work and earn money.

My partner and I have figured out that, based on finances and other factors, that I don’t necessarily need to work. He would prefer me to be less stressed, or even better, not at all stressed. He is amazingly supportive. So I don’t need to work right now. That is such a difficult concept for me to accept. My whole life I have been independent, not relying on others. I have been working since I was 16…that was some years ago. Even during times of unemployment I have kept myself busy, whether it be attending school or training, taking personal development courses, or volunteering. Currently, I’m not doing any of those things…well, that’s not exactly true, since I am a volunteer editor and writer for wonderful ILWAD!

Since moving to a different city away from my friends and family, I have done things to keep myself busy: cleaning, laundry, organizing, unpacking boxes, rearranging rooms, hanging up paintings and decorations, inventing new recipes, going food shopping, opening mail and making sure bills get paid, maintaining our budget. There are other random things, too. I never imagined myself doing these things instead of working. My boyfriend says that he wouldn’t be able to run the house without me maintaining it, and the fact that I have created a budget we can live within, has made a huge difference in our finances, something that had been lacking prior to me ‘taking over.’ He appreciates everything I do, and tells me so. My job is the house and his job is commuting and going to a ‘job,’ so we are both contributing equally to creating a wonderful life together. I’m not saying that he would prevent me from working, but he wants me to have balance, and being at home is something that agrees with that.

Oddly enough, I am enjoying my daily tasks immensely! I never pictured myself staying at home and doing all these things, but I’m finding that I enjoy them and that I am good at these things. I have gotten really creative in the kitchen. My boyfriend’s mom (bless her heart) gave us a bread maker, and so I have been making bread once a week: yogurt-lemon-dill, beer-cheddar, spaghetti bread, and whole wheat. I have also been more creative in recipe building. When our food resources get low, it motivates me to use what we have in the kitchen, rather than going to the food store. I can make a meal from almost anything. All I need are things like rice, pasta, olive oil, chicken stock, soup, spices, and milk. I am thriving in my environment, and I am happy.

I guess that is the best part of it, being happy in my environment. So, while I am not earning an income, I am running a household and keeping things organized at home. These things make it easier for my partner to live his life: instead of worrying about bills and cooking and laundry, he can focus on building his business and doing his writing and exercising. And he makes my life easier by earning real money and getting out of the house (yes, I do enjoy a bit of alone time each day).

So I am coming to the realization that I don’t need to work and earn money to feel worthwhile as a woman or as a person; rather, I need to feel like I am doing something. And having someone who appreciates the big and little things I do each day helps fuel the fire to my daily chore list.

ILWADians, have you found joy in being unemployed or being a stay at home partner and/or parent? Tell us your stories.

4 thoughts on “Domestic Goddess”

  1. Many people do not have the luxury or wherewithal to enjoy being at home while the significant other works. It is, indeed, a blessing to have – and to read about one of the members of this site being able to attain such a delightful place in life is awesome!

    Enjoy your time in the home; soon enough, the urge to be tax-paying member of society will overwhelm the desires to remain at home…in the meantime, keep building that repertoire of bread recipes – you’ll treasure them and many others for many years to come!!

    Congratulations on your new move – and your new life.

  2. Sarah, I truly am happy and excited for you. I was lucky enough that my ex husband made enough money that I was able to be a stay at home wife and mom. I only went to work because I wanted to not because of lack of funds. Something many people are closed minded about is it’s a full time JOB running a house hold. You may not physically get a pay check but what you do is VERY REAL. As you know when you have a job you go to work and do your 8 hours clock and and your done. A stay at home Partner, spouse, parents job doesn’t stop at 8 hours it goes for 24/7. The household doesn’t shut down after 8 hours. And when you have children some might say that 24 hours isn’t enough in a day. When they’re babies extra washing laundry, dishes, cleaning on the baby. Then when they get in school and involved in school you not only run the household but you become the personal taxi. And depending how involved you want to be you might be team parent. You get the picture… So many don’t reconize what responsibility one has running a house hold. You are ABSOLUTELY A LUCKY LUCKY WOMAN for your boyfriend to appriciate you and see your worth in staying home.
    Thank you for sharing hopefully more people will read this and see that running a household and being a stay at home parent is as important as any other position…

  3. I hate to tell u this but there’s a little guy at Riverwind casino, he may work there, going around telling people he’s having an affair with you….in so many words. You are married to Frank, right??? If not, disregard this. I was there about a month ago and he was standing just away from the blackjack tables talking to another kid about his age..25 or so. He was quite proud of using your son as a way to get to you. He said he would train your son in soccer or something and then train you. I tried to get his name but was hard to see his tag and be discreet. May have been Charles but seemed like his buddy said chuck. Not sure. This kid is not tall. About 5’5, long, dirty looking dark hair and a large nose and large lips. He was quite homely. Looked native american. Anyway, i thought i should let you know that he’s saying these things. I dont know if you know who this is but you should be careful who you cheat with you husband with. If i heard this who knows who else might have. Do what you want with your time at home but it would be tragic to lose a nice man over some low class punk that doesnt care who he tells about your affair. This kid is bad news. Good luck to you.

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