ilivewithadisability.com

No, you are not less valuable than me, or anyone else.

You said ”…can’t it be believers?” In essence, I supposed it could. But, I’d then have to ask you – ”believer’s” in what? So, what do you believe in, Tesse?

Everyone, has something they believe in, even if it is an inanimate object, like money. So, whatever they choose to believe in that becomes their God, so to speak.

Everything else you alluded too – happiness being a choice, – Saddness, etc. is easier. – and, Humankind hasn’t learned it’s lesson, I tend to agree on.

My intention was NOT to put anyone down, but to just share something that spoke to me, as, my ’higher power’ that I refer to is my God.

BTW, I don’t believe happiness ”falls on us” from on high, or that it is a spell cast on us either. Happiness is a response to our perceptions. And, many times, it has to be a response we ’choose’, given our circumstances.

TESSA – THIS CAME BACK TO ME. IT WASN’T DELIVERED, SO I’M SENDING IT TO YOU AGAIN. HOPE IT ARRIVES, EVEN IF IT IS QUITE LATE NOW:

Hi, Tessa!

You ARE a miracle. And, yes, I believe in them and in God.

I both agree with you & don’t agree with you. While it is true that God did something miraculous in you and thru you AND that often/usually it is up to us to do something with it, I don’t believe God just leaves the rest up to us. I believe that God wants us to work with Him as He continues to work in our lives. Maybe you are trying to say the same thing and semantics are just getting in the way.

I know this for sure, that without my belief in God, I would not be here today either. Nor, could I have made it thus far, as I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago.

Most of us with significant disabilities go through, or are going through, significant down times. Sometimes, just ”hanging in there” is a miracle in itself.

I, like you, have had to ’rearrange my life’. Where you used to be a ”mountaineer” and very active swimmer, etc. and involved in music through your piano playing, I, too, have had to continually restructure my life as my disability has progressed. Where once I was very active in sports (baseball, football, gymnastics) and an avid swimmer and waterskier. I no longer can do any of them. Only watch. I was also very active in music; playing the trumpet in bands, small groups and solo work and, even singing in chorale groups and doing duets in churches, etc. Now, I listen and just appreciate. To try to stay involved musically, I even did the bookings and ran the the sound system for a traveling gospel group for several years. So, as my disability got worse, I’ve had to continually shape and reshape my involvement through the years.

Life for anyone, disabled or not, is full of ’ups’ & ’downs’. However, when disabled, one may have to re-shape their perspective on things too. For instance, at one time you couldn’t move at all. Now you can. (Hurray!!!) To a non-disabled person, they look at both of those factors and say ”poor _______” Whereas to you it’s a miracle! It’s all in the perspective. What seems like a downer, can be a blessing based on one’s perspective. The trick for you & I, as well as many others with disabilities, is often choosing the perspective we want to listen too at any given point of time: what we’ve lost vs. what we still have so to speak.

For an avid reader, again it’s in the perspective. We can focus on the fact that one can’t see as well, OR, on the factor that you can still read, even if it is more slowly, takes more effort, or even with some other adaptation. The truth is you love the word pictures reading creates for you. It takes you to other places, times and situations. It gives learning and clarity. What you love most, you still have, even if your method has changed.

And, YES, I’d love to talk more as time and situation allows.

Brad

Hi, Tessa!
I thought I answered this one already. Guess not. Still not sure how this site works & how to do things on it.

In a nutshell, I’ve had to re-make myself multiple times as my disability has gotten worse over the years. In fact, it is an on-going process. Before my disability, I, too, was very active. I played football, baseball, even a little basketball. I was a very active swimmer and water-skier. In fact, at one time, I was even a life-guard. Where some people jog a mile or more, I would swim it. Now, I am just a spectator at best.

Musically, I was a good trumpet player, playing not only in H.S., but college bands. I also did lots of solo work. When that left me, I took up singing. Sang in a chorale group that traveled internationally in venues with philharmonics, etc. Also, did quite a bit of duet work in churches, etc. Now, not only can I not play my trumpet, but cannot sing anymore either. As I’ve attempted to re-make and compensate, I even did the bookings and ran the sound system for a small gospel group for a few years, during which time we traveled around the U.S., Mexico and Canada. Now, that is gone also. My latest venture was where I would book various musical groups to perform at a small ministry I ran. I share this only because you are not the only one who bemoans the ’once was’ and has to face new, and sometimes on-going realities. In your case it was mountaineering, swimming, hiking, bicycle riding and playing piano. All things you used to enjoy, helped fulfill you, and you took your identy in. Now, you too are reduced to a spectator. BUT, take heart, all is not lost. Like you said, you can still listen, and appreciate other ’skilled hands’ as they dance over the keys. That, my dear, is more than many other people can do, as they never had the background you’ve had. Your appreciation is heightened all the more because of your past experiences.

So, we are faced with a choice, almost daily. We can continue to get continually depressed over what we’ve lost, OR, enjoy the special abilities we still have and have a special appreciation for because it was once part of our repetoire.

Now, that is not to say looking at what ’once was’ won’t depress us once in awhile, but we need to try to look beyond that and give new meaning AND appreciation for both the history of what ’once was’ and the abilities we still possess. Along the way, we may even discover some extra depth we never knew we had before. Finding new ways to enjoy the varied activities we continue to enjoy. You do that in some ways now. Take your love of reading. As your eyesight worsens, with age if nothing else, you’ve already discovered you can continue to enjoy reading even if you need to do so more slowly, or increase the text size on your electronic reader if needed. Your love of reading hasn’t changed, only the way you do it.

And, yes, I get down on myself too, at times. And, also, yes I do believe in a ”higher power” And, I call him ”God”. Many times, it is only through that belief, and my understanding of Him, that helps me face another day.

So we often find ourselves feeling ”broken, not beautiful”. The trick is to also find ourselves as Scott says, ”…beautiful and not broken.” Most times, it is the inner voice we’ve chosen to listen too at any given point in time.

’Till next time,
Brad

Hi, Tessa -

Sorry you’re feelin’ so low. Hopefully, things are looking a bit brighter by now.

There is many a night that sleep seems so very far off for me too. 4:00 – 5:00 a is not unusual for me. Although I tend to be a night owl, still it seems to be forever until my body settles in for the night and I drift off.

When one lies in the bed alone with nothing but their own thoughts, pains, etc. it does seem easier to go to the ’dark side’, so to speak. But, take heart, another day and experience will soon replace it. If nothing else, exhaustion will bring on much needed sleep, which in turn gives us a ’boost’ and we then have the energy to wipe some of the crap from our eyes that clouds our own vision.

My own experience has taught me to be up front with the doctors. In many cases it is an educated guess as to what they prescribe for each of us. Some times, it is not the medication they prescribe, but the dosage that’s problematic. Therefore, that ”zombie” feeling you refer too. That’s important feedback you need to give doctor also. Maybe he can change the dosage, if not medication, to still get the desired effect without so much of the ”zombie” feeling. What ’ya think?

Talk to you later,
Brad

Hi, Tessa!

Just got my equipment back that connects me to the internet. HURRAY! Back on-line again. It’s been down for weeks.

I would be honored to have you as a friend. But, I’ve forgotten what to do to make that happen. Oops! Can you give me some clues?

Currently, I live alone. But, have a sister who lives close by. She helps fill in some gaps.

I’ll not talk long now, as I have quite a backlog of email to wade through and to be quite frank, my bottom is coming up through my shouldes, if you get my drift.???

Give me a ’holler’ when you feel up to it & let me know how I should precede. OK?

Brad

Jym,

My sister says that ”hell” is one thing I’m good at raising. (grin)

I’ve already been in contact, via email, with some federal government officials regarding Social Security and opening up restrictions regarding procurement of higher-end wheelchairs by at least lifting the ’home bound” restriction. Many ”wheelers” have jobs, do volunteer work, etc. and, all of us have a life that shouldn’t be contained by walls.

Haven’t figured this site out yet, but in time I will.

Take care….
Brad

Thanks, Ron!

Glad to lend my support if only by joining. Glad you started this & will be looking forward to sites growth, as well as, each of it’s members growth. Life is a journey, whether we walk, limp, wheel or lie through it.

Brad

Scott,

Two (2) cents isn’t worth much unless it’s all you’ve got – then it’s worth millions!

Thanks! I’ll give when I can.
Brad